


critical fail

by gothzabini (girl412)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I think? i don't really know much about dnd, M/M, Marauders, don't know how to tag dskhjfdhg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl412/pseuds/gothzabini
Summary: The gang plays D&D.Or: the one in which Sirius rolls a nat 1 and Remus has a mini breakdown.





	critical fail

**Author's Note:**

> woke up in the morning with this in my head and i knew i HAD to write it as soon as i could. despite playing d&d for like, almost 6 months? i still don't fully understand it, so if anything seems out of place just chalk it down to marlene being a creative DM. enjoy!

Marlene’s watching him, waiting for him to roll. Sirius sighs, aware of the tension radiating from the boy next to him. Remus’s hands are in fists even though Sirius is the only one at stake here. 

He rolls and the die falls in the worse possible way. Sirius is aware of James’s murmured “Fuck” from the other side of the table.

“You crit-failed,” Marlene says, somewhat redundantly. “The Aurors don’t believe you. They think you killed Prongs and Carmine, and you’re sentenced to twelve years of jailtime, solitary confinement.” 

“No way of getting out of this?” Sirius asks, although he already knows the answer. He did roll a one, after all. 

“Nope,” Marlene says. She squeezes his hand softly. “Tough luck, Black.” 

“You can’t do that!” Remus exclaims, almost manic. Sirius is worried about him, because Remus being agitated usually does not end well for anybody, least of all Remus. “Padfoot shouldn’t go to jail for that, and twelve years of solitary confinement is brutal. He doesn’t deserve that, you know it!” 

“Sorry Remus,” Marlene says, and she actually does sound sorry. “We’re playing a rough game, you know that.” 

Sirius knows that Remus does know it –after all, James, Lily, Frank and Alice are all playing with new characters – characters they’d come up with after something in-game had killed their last character. Out of the entire party, other than Padfoot and Moony, Dorcas’s character Greenfield was the only one who hadn’t died or been through something horrifying yet. 

This seems to be the breaking point, however. Remus stands up abruptly, refusing to meet anybody’s eyes. 

“I need some fresh air,” he says, and he walks out of the room.

“I’m going to check on him,” Sirius says, and the party nods. 

“We’ll probably end here anyway,” Marlene says. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault, you’re a great DM,” Sirius says. “I did roll that one, after all.”

Sirius knows that Remus will be in the balcony with the potted plants, which is the only place in James and Lily’s apartment that they’re allowed to smoke in. He opens the glass door when he sees him and walks in. Remus is leaning over the rail, staring distantly at the London cityscape while crying. Sirius suspects it’s the new medication that’s making him more emotional than usual.

 Remus isn’t allowed to be miserable alone – Sirius is there to be miserable _with him_. 

“Hi,” he says, standing behind Remus and casually wrapping his arms around the other man. “You alright?” 

Remus leans into his touch, taking a staggering breath. “I’ll be fine.” 

They’re both silent for a moment before Remus murmurs, softly, “I hate the idea of you in prison. Any version of you. I know Padfoot _isn’t_ you, but you know what I mean, don’t you?” 

“Yeah,” Sirius says softly. “Remus, that’s alright. Padfoot _is_ a bit of a self-insert, and you know it.” 

Remus makes a noise that’s between a chuckle and a sob. “I don’t know why I’m so upset. We knew this could happen, and yet – ” 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Sirius says softly, kissing Remus’s cheek and wincing at the salt.  “You can break me out of prison next game.”

“I think I need to take a break from playing for a while,” Remus admits. “It’s tearing me up a little inside.” 

“The high stakes?” Sirius asks.

Remus hums. “It feels too real.” 

“That’s because you and I made our characters far too similar to who we really are, I think,” Sirius says reflectively. “You should take a break, though. It’s supposed to be fun. If you’re not having fun, you can quit. We’ll plan a rescue mission. You can roll some twenties. Get me out of prison and then we’ll both leave Hogwarts city and go live far away in Grimmauld or something.” 

“I thought Padfoot has trauma in Grimmauld.” 

“Padfoot loves Moony enough to deal with that,” Sirius says, kissing the top of Remus’s head. “Trust me.” 

Remus laughs softly. “Will you keep playing if I drop out?” 

“Not as Padfoot,” Sirius says. “I’ll play a Divination trainee or a Mediwitch or something.” 

Remus sighs, leaning back against Sirius more, almost knocking them both to the ground.

“Padfoot has enough trauma as it is,” Remus says softly. “Prison will do him no favours.” 

“Padfoot’s tougher than punk rock,” Sirius says. “He’ll make it through prison thinking of his hot werewolf boyfriend Moony. Who knows, maybe it won’t come to twelve years. Maybe he’ll shapeshift into his dog form in the cell and gnaw some Dementor bones.” 

Remus turns to face Sirius finally. It’s clear he’s been crying, but he looks a lot better. “Thanks,” he says.

Sirius kisses him properly but briefly. “Don’t thank me for this. You’ve done the same for me enough times.”

“That was different,” Remus protests.

Sirius thinks back to the time they’re both referencing, when Marlene had said that they could all share fanfiction and fan art they’d made featuring their characters. He’d managed to write a 40k fic about Padfoot’s familial trauma which had involved almost a month of staying up past 2AM and crying. Remus had stayed awake with him despite his early morning job, and had made him hot chocolate and covered him in blankets and done whatever he could to remind Sirius that he wasn’t alone. He’d beta read the fic, sighed softly and whispered _“Sirius_ ” in the way he only did when he didn’t know what else to say, and held Sirius in his arms as if he were a newborn baby who needed warmth. It wasn’t something they’d discussed later, but it wasn’t something either of them were going to forget any time soon. 

He hadn't shared the fic with Marlene or the rest of the party in the end. 

“It’s not different, not really,” Sirius says, squeezing Remus’s hands gently. “These characters are fictional, but they’re real to us. Your reaction is entirely valid.” 

“I need a new prescription,” Remus murmurs into Sirius’s collarbone. “Everything feels off.” 

“We’ll visit the therapist,” Sirius promises. “You’re so brave.” 

There’s a knock on the glass door, and the boys pull apart to acknowledge James.

“Lils wants to know if you’re staying for lunch,” he says. “Everyone else has left.” 

Sirius and Remus exchange a look.

“Alright,” Sirius says.

“You fine, Remus?” James asks, taking one of Remus’s hands in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

Remus nods and then shrugs. “My mental health is fucked,” he says. “But what’s new?” 

“Sometimes I think you really are a werewolf,” James says. “Don’t worry, we’ll bust Pads out of prison next game, yeah?” 

Remus grips James’s hand tighter, as if making a business deal. Sirius smiles at him, and Remus smiles back. It’s a small smile, but it’s _there._

“Yeah,” Remus says. “We will.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like there's a certain dark sense of humour we all grow into as part of the marauders fandom, don't you?
> 
> thanks Sarah & Isa for suggesting nicknames for Lily ( i know i didn't incorporate any of them here but i adored each one! maybe next time ahaha)
> 
> tumblr @ screamingforsirius, feel free to yell in comments if you want <3


End file.
